Yes, I'm afraid of commitment

Time of original posting: Sunday, November 15th, 2009 at 10:34pm

~ ~ ~

You say we're afraid of commitment. Damn right we are!

Commitment means change, a change we have to live with, when everyday, we fight our inclinations to do what we would otherwise do, but be reminded of our commitment, and ask ourselves "Am I sure about this? Can I really go through with this?"

Commitment is the hardest thing anyone can ever do. If the people that ran the world were more committed to their jobs, do you think we'd have half the problems we have today? Asking for commitment from us is asking us to rise among the best men in the world.

Think for a moment, how many people do you know who are actually committed to what they do? You might know some - certainly we know a few - but compare that to the number of people you've seen, met or even heard of, who shirk their duties, slack off on the job, quit, cheat on or leave their partners, fall off the wagon, go back to drinking, smoking, and doing the things they absolutely enjoy doing but inevitably destroy themselves and all they stand for by doing it.

Commitment is hard. Ask anyone. Asking us for commitment is to ask an enormous undertaking on our part. And don't pretend like you're shouldering the same burden by asking us to commit to you, because you're not. The only reason you'd ask it of us in the first place is if you stood something to gain from us being committed. Without our commitment, there's nothing to stop us from taking off and doing as we please, and that scares you. If we were to commit to you, our options suddenly become limited, whereas you know exactly what to expect from us, and gain the right to expect it. The things we expect from you, however, still remain within your right to withhold.

So who wins out in this situation? Why should we be expected to commit to you, when we're still so insecure about the world? We don't know what else is out there, shouldn't we be allowed to find out? If we have to suddenly settle down and be yours just because of your own insecurities, shouldn't we be allowed to have our own?

And why now? Are you afraid of what we might find out there? Do you think we'll find something so beautiful that we'll leave you? You say commitment is a sign of trust, but really you want us to commit to you because you don't trust us. You don't have faith that we'll stay on our own, without tying knots or making promises. You don't have faith in us or our character, and if you don't know us well enough to know what to expect, than you have no right to assume we're ready for commitment to begin with.

The only purpose commitment serves is turning chance into predictability, only it's our chances that are being taken away, while you've already made your decision to cash in your chips. Sure, commitment can lead to the creation of good and wonderful things - communities, riches, children - but that's a responsibility that's beyond a lot of of us. You expect us to be gods when we are but men, with the same weaknesses and insecurities. Say what you will about the differences between human beings based on gender or age, the differences are minute, we're the same where it counts, and commitment is no small matter. It doesn't matter who we are, how old we are, if we're male of female - if we're not ready to commit, it's because we have insecurities exactly the same as you, and if you were in our shoes, you'd be saying the exact same thing.

Think about that next time you're about to ask someone to make a commitment to you. And when you realize what you're about to put them through, how about instead, you take a leap of faith yourself...

...And don't.