Life, the Church, and Everything

Last week, I heard a minister say that "God loves life." And given how strongly the church has argued against abortion, contraception and gay marriage, this statement appears largely true. This week, a senator even made the statement to the effect that every incidence of pregnancy, even those that come from rape and incest, is a gift from God. Everything the church does seems to promote the idea that everything you do throughout your life should be helping you to go out and make more life - and as much of it as you possibly can. The feeling has even pervaded outside the church, from people asking men and women when they're going to settle down and start a family, to families that have boasted 10-12 children. Even in the realm of science, the inarguable purpose of our evolution seems to be to reproduce. In the old days, it wasn't uncommon for a man to remarry 3-5 times, each wife giving that man as many children as she can, from the year she hits puberty to the year she dies. And in the old days, when famine, disease, poverty, war and all manner of ills threatened to wipe out entire civilizations at every turn, this made absolutely perfect sense.

This year, the Earth's population has hit 7 billion. I assume you can guess where I'm going with this. Human beings have been giving birth for millenia. And given how many humans there are, we've obviously become remarkably good at it. Not just us humans, but every animal, plant and microbial life form today is here because of the miracle of birth. But while I'm not arguing at just how chemically and genetically improbable and amazing that birth can even happen at all, I do think it's rather an overstatement to call birth a "miracle" given how regularly it occurs, and as many teenagers can attest to, how easy and unexpectedly it can happen. In fact, with childbirth these days so easy and prevalent, and with the only thing plummeting faster than death rates being the resources needed to sustain those not dying, to put childbirth on such a pedestal as to call it a "miracle" is not only shortsighted but foolhardy. The need to go forth and multiply as it stands now, more than being non-applicable, is actually counter-productive to the overall health of the planet we live on. I know the belief of the church is that man has inherited the Earth to do with as he pleases, but make no mistake, the Earth will not support us for much longer if we keep devouring resources like it's going out of fashion.

But that's not even the main reason I'm writing this. Rather, I'm arguing that since the need to constantly, constantly reproduce no longer applies, at least for the time being, then it the notion of bearing children no longer takes precedent over human happiness. A person can afford to not be life-giving in every major decision they make about their lives. It doesn't always, always have to be about making babies all the time. We can actually do things with our baby-making body parts that don't result in a baby. And guess what? The human race won't die off as a result!

The human race as a species will keep on kicking if you decide not to have children in your lifetime. It will also continue onward if you decide you want to have safe sex. Other couples will in fact continue to have children if you should decide you're not ready and want to have an abortion. And the world will most certainly keep spinning if two people of the same sex decide to get married. And by the way, how is a gay couple getting married any different than an infertile couple getting married, in terms of life-giving relationships? And while we're pondering that puzzler, consider that if gay couples ever decide to adopt (and we manage to grow up and stop presuming that gay couples are unfit parents), how much of a great service they would be doing the world by providing a loving home to an otherwise forsaken child.

If you do want children, and can safely do so, by all means, have children. But you should, by no means, be required to do so by your government or your faith! In fact, no matter what your belief, you should always make the decision to have children with great prudence, because in case no one told you, a child is an enormous responsibility. Children come at great pains to the mother, at a great financial burden to both parents, and if the parents aren't healthy enough, fit or willing to be good parents, that child runs the enormous risk of growing up suffering and doomed to go down a troubled and unfortunate path. There are obviously exceptions to this, but if you want to gamble your life, your spouse's life, or the life of your child on those odds, then that's all on your head when you make that decision. We are human beings! We may not have all the answers, but we're smart enough to look to the future and realize that if a child is born into a particular situation, or of a mother who is too young, financially insecure, or worse, the victim of rape, that either the child, mother or both will not survive, or worse, be doomed to a life of misery and hardship, that in situations like these, we have the power and responsibility to change it.

Because - and please follow me here - there are worse things in this world than not having a baby!

No, we shouldn't all be mandated to suffer or die just to bring yet another life into being under any circumstance whatsoever. Not everything is about making babies! There are worse things in this world than not having a baby! Foster homes and shelters are filled to the brim with homeless children, and those who don't find homes usually end up in our prisons. And our prisons have become so full that it's become profitable to run them like a business! There are worse things in this world than not having a baby! Food, jobs, land, fuel and many, many other finite resources are already tapering out! If we bring many more children into this world, we're only putting more strain on our already dwindling resources. If we strain them too much more, there will be nothing left for the children we are so eagerly squirting out. And let's be clear: I am by no means denouncing childbirth entirely. If you are healthy, secure and ready to be a parent, then by all means, reproduce as much as you like! But are under no obligation to do so! There are worse things in this world than not having a baby!

The world doesn't need another baby right now! The only reason you should be having children is because you want to! And even if you do, you have options. Adopt! There are thousands, millions of children already born who need a home! Get married to the person you love regardless of whether your union can produce children! And if you don't want children at all, that's fine too! Have safe sex! Enjoy your life, regardless of whether you're having kids or not! And if you're not ready for a child and an accident does happen, you are not obligated to have that child if you have reason to believe it will ruin your life!

Because, say it with me now: There are worse things in this world than not having a baby!

Here's what confuses me: if God loves life, why would he require such terrible strains in order to produce it, when we could easily minimize those strains while maintaining a good balance of life in equitable conditions? Especially since the whole point of life, after creating more of it, is to die and go to the afterlife? To me, when there is not only such little need for prolific propagation of life in this age, but actual negative consequences to it, the argument to continue to propagate life sounds likes it's coming from institutions who stands to profit from such an overabundance of life.

A prison warden who cares only for lining his pockets for keeping more and more inmates; a business owner who has to pay his workers less and less because with all the competition for the jobs he's offering there will always be someone willing to work for less; political leaders who earn their votes from an uninformed electorate because our school systems can't afford to keep up with our surplus of children; our government who continue to throw more and more soldiers into war as cannon fodder; and yes, even a church whose uninformed masses continue to add more and more falsely acclaimed validity to an already overblown institution. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but this level of atrocity still seems much more likely than a God who just loves life so much that he wants us to go to every imaginable length - from repeated painful, dangerous and possibly lethal childbirths, and the absolute inhibition of either enjoying sex for its own sake or for spending your life with your loved one if they happen to have the same parts as you - to have children just so they can go on and go through the same process, and all of whom only ever achieve their actual happiness in an afterlife that nobody can describe.

Which seems more likely to you?

A New Chapter - A Year in Retrospect

So it's been a while, a long while, since I updated this blog. Mostly because I know nobody reads it, but it might help to jot some thoughts down for now. It simulates having actual, meaningful conversation, instead of just shooting the breeze like I do with most of the people I speak to. And this isn't to say the people in my life don't invite conversation, it's just me being reclusive and not believing anyone would truly understand.

As of now, I've been working at Pitt for about a year. The past year has seen some breathtaking changes for me. Within a year, I've gone from having practically no money in the bank and relying on my parents for food, clothing and shelter, to earning an annual salary with money in savings. Within a year, I've moved into my own apartment, started buying my own food, cooking for myself, cleaning for myself, and having to worry about a dozen things having to do with keeping my life together. And within a year, I've started going to the gym on a regular basis, managed to drop ten pounds, and even start running. Today, I ran a mile in seven and a half minutes.

It's come at a cost though. I don't know if it's just the summer lull, or the fact that I'm not in school anymore, but I feel like I don't get to do much with my friends anymore. I still see people - Thursday nights, I see some friends from Pitt for movie night, Friday's (usually), a group of friends from CCAC for D&D or something social, and starting next month, every other Saturday will see me gaming with another group from CCAC. And Sunday, for the last year and a half, I've been gaming with another group from Pitt. So it would seem that I'm getting my share of social activity in.

Yet still...I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's enough. Maybe it's because school's not in session, and anime club isn't going on - which would add another night to that list. Maybe it's because two or three of those aforementioned meetups have been skipped for the past week or more - either by me or by DM ruling. Maybe - and this is something that might really become an issue later - it's because I don't have anything in common with my coworkers. Everyone in my office is either married with kids, or at the equivalent age. But I don't even seem to have anything in common with the student workers either, who are closer to my age group. One is even a film studies major. But she's quiet as a mouse, and every time I approach her, I get the feeling that she's either intimidated by me, or creeped out.

It doesn't help that I'm hyper sensitized to just this reaction from people. Ever since I started going to Falk at age 5, and I was identified with the moniker of "booger-breath," people have generally avoided me. I don't know if it's out of shyness, their own self-consciousness, but every time it happens, I can't help but feel that I repulse them somehow. Maybe I didn't shower well enough that morning, maybe I didn't put on enough deodorant. Maybe my clothes don't fit me right, and they make me look like a fat slob. Maybe I am a fat slob - God knows dieting and exercise haven't changed that. With a barrel chest atop ballet dancer legs, I'm about as awkward and unbalanced and gangly as one of those creepers you see on the bus. Every time I look in the mirror, all I can see is a creeper. Nothing I do seems to change that, and everyone around me seems to, even if unconsciously, reinforce that belief whether it's true or not. I'm not even saying that I believe it is true - but it would sure help my self confidence level if people acted like they genuinely wanted to be around me.

This got off track real fast, but really, I have nothing positive left to say. Maybe I need to see a therapist. All I can say is, I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I wish I didn't care. I wish I could just let it roll off my shoulders, I'd be so much happier of a person. But I can't. I get so jealous seeing people being open and honest with each other, and seem genuinely happy to be around each other. I get so jealous when someone can speak their mind, and people will actually listen to them. I get so jealous when I see people who get noticed at all! If I'm ever noticed, it's usually so that I can be avoided. Failing that, I don't get noticed at all, or worse, just simply ignored.

I wish it didn't bother me. I wish I didn't care. But I do. I feel so dis-empowered to do anything about this. I feel like it's me against the world. And the world is kicking my ass.

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